Before I start, please note that no one aspect can make or break a relationship, or define the complete potential of a person. A relationship and a natal chart read in its entirety – meaning all the aspects and angles considered, along with the individual(s) personal background(s) – is important and necessary before drawing meaningful conclusions. What I offer below is a list of aspects that can bring complications and potential harm if either party is not consciously aware of their behavior and working actively to overcome it. The beauty of astrology is its ability to allow us to articulate what can be very complex challenges in our personalities and in our relationships. The more aware we are the greater chance we have of protecting ourselves in relationships and identifying potential issues further down the road.
Red Flag Aspects in Synastry
Partner’s Neptune Square/ Opposite Your Sun
You do not see your partner clearly with their Neptune in challenging aspect to your Sun. This can be self-delusion or fantasy in you or your partner. Your partner may be intentionally trying to deceive you, pretend to be someone they are not in order to appeal to you, or generally have an escapist personality that is hard to pin down. Before making a strong commitment, do your research – know their friends, family and even previous relationship partners to get a better idea of who they really are. Be willing to listen to the NEGATIVE feedback about your partner – you are not likely to see them as anything more than a saint, and you will need a lot of data to come to a strong conclusion as to whether they really are who you think they are. The risk of not knowing can lead to major disappointment or loss the deeper into the relationship you go.
Partner’s Neptune Square/ Opposite Your Mercury
Similar to Neptune/Sun there will be a strong sense of not understanding your partner in this relationship. It will be a heady mix of hearing what you want to hear, being lied to, lying to your partner, and a sense of all out confusion as to what the meaning is behind anything that is said. Unless there are more solid outlets between your two Mercuries, you can very easily end up deceived and disillusioned as the relationship progresses. Fact check, don’t accept ambiguities, and don’t expect your normal logic and intuitive faculties to be enough to penetrate the Neptunian fog here. And it will often feel like exactly that when you are in your partner’s presence – like you are in a fog, or drunk, or lightheaded. Like you can’t think clearly. Don’t exacerbate this contact with alcohol or drug use – it can lead to costly mistakes in judgement.
Partner’s Pluto Opposite Your Venus
In my experience looking at relationship charts, the most consistent outcome I see with this aspect is financial abuse. The Pluto person will feel an overwhelming need to control the personal resources of the Venus person, which is often money, but can also be their talents, physical body, or who they can and cannot socialize with – anything Venusian in their partner. This, as with all Pluto contacts, can feel very “protective” and like love in the beginning, but as it plays out in the relationship ( and especially should the relationship breakdown) there will be extreme difficulty placed on the Venus person when they attempt to extract themselves from the control of the Pluto person. If you have this contact in synastry it is very important that you keep control of your own finances, consider separate bank accounts and – prior to marriage - consider a prenuptial agreement, clearly defining what belongs to whom. Financial exploitation in relationships is abuse and many women – and men- have realized too late that what began as passion devolved into something much less romantic. Control and jealousy in extremes are not healthy for either partner.
Partner’s Pluto Conjunct/ Square Your Ascendant
Your partner will consciously, or unconsciously, attempt to control and influence you with this aspect. If you are a submissive person or insecure or vulnerable, this can create the potential for exploitation of your person/body. You need to have a strong sense of self and personal power to prevent the Pluto person’s intensity from overwhelming and consuming you. This contact can be highly seductive, and it will largely depend on how healthy the Pluto person is and how they use their power to determine the outcome of this contact. The risk, if either of you has a history of physical or sexual abuse, is that this contact can unearth victim complexes that will play out in unhealthy ways.
Partner’s Pluto Conjunct/Square/Opposite Your Mars
This will be difficult to escape if there is any small amount of attraction between you and your partner. This is a classic aspect of overwhelming sexual passion between two people, which can be very enticing in the beginning of a relationship. The root of this passion is the push-pull of control and power between two individuals, which can be very satisfying when worked out sexually, but in a long-term commitment can spill over into everyday life in intense and extreme behavior toward one’s partner. It is typically the Pluto person who wants to exert control or use force against the Mars individual, and this can lead to a battle of wills. This aspect is highly volatile, and can be a catalyst for abuse and violence in a relationship. This can catch each of you by surprise, especially if you’ve never experienced this contact in other relationships and are not highly Plutonic as individuals. A lot of awareness and self-control has to go into your interactions with one another, but it may ultimately prove to be too combative in a LTR.
Partner’s Uranus Conjunct/ Square/ Opposite Your Moon
Emotional and domestic instability is at the heart of this contact. If both partners are rather detached (strong Air signature/ Uranian) by nature then this may be bearable but for the majority of people this aspect creates extremes between emotional closeness and distance and can be very upsetting in a relationship. The Uranus partner can be seen as unreliable, unstable, or outright emotionally abusive toward the Moon partner. It is easy enough to see why this is to be avoided, but it is especially important to reconsider this relationship if Uranus is in aspect to Mars in the partner’s chart, as violence can go hand-in-hand with the emotional extremes.
Partner’s Uranus Square / Opposite Your Venus
Don’t get too attached. The Uranus partner is usually, whether they intend to or not, not in the relationship for the long haul. This can be due to their personal emphasis on freedom and non-committed relationships OR something about their lifestyle will make a stable partnership very difficult to achieve. Summer flings, one-night stands, even short-term relationships with someone new and exciting can work great with this contact, keeping expectations low and openness to new experiences high.
Marriage or a LTR can be extremely difficult to maintain with this contact, even (or maybe especially) in chart comparisons with a lot of Saturn contacts. The Uranus individual doesn’t want the ties that come with deep commitment, and this will be most evident if they are highly Uranian natally. They may marry you, but it will likely only be successful if they do not have to see you all the time. If you can set up a relationship that allows that kind of distance and freedom, and you want that, then it may work for you. Trying to force your partner to settle down and stay faithful will likely fail.